A left turn. . .

  Well it's been quite a week. Our visit to Whitehorse wasn't quite as expected. We arrived home on Tuesday night, and on Wednesday morning, I had some symptoms that put me in the hospital until Friday afternoon. We flew back to Vancouver on Saturday. Since our arrival back here, our world has once again been turned upside down. I had a contrast dye MRI on Monday that doctors were hoping to use to monitor the progress of my treatment. We checked back into the BCCA for my sixth round of treatment yesterday (Tuesday), and after much waiting, miscommunications from doctors, and confusion, we learned that based on my latest MRI, the oncologists have decided to switch tacks and my treatment focus. The latest scan shows that the major tumour that was operated on in August has in fact now grown in size and is proving to be resistant to the Methotrexate Chemotherapy. As far as they can tell, the rest of my lesions/tumours have disappeared, and have most likely entirely succumbed to the chemo. That is not to say that there may not be a few lymphoma cells remaining scattered throughout my brain.
  The next step, then, involves stopping my chemo regime entirely, and starting intensive low-dose radiation therapy focusing on my entire brain, with the goal of killing of the rest of the largest lesion and any other remaining cells. The best case scenario is that this treatment will start soon, last a short time (likely 5 short appointments a week for 2-3 weeks), cure the cancer forever, leave me feeling relatively OK, and include no long-term side-effects. There are probabilities of all of these good things happening, but again, based on my age, general health, and basic differences from most CNS lymphoma patients, it's hard to make any predictions on what those probabilities are. Lymphoma apparently generally reacts well to radiotherapy, but of course because of the nature and location of the disease in my body, there are also distinct possibilities that A) the disease could resurface within the next 2 years, and B) that radiating my brain could cause long-term side effects such as concentration/memory problems, etc (these would likely show up in the next 2 years also).
  All this is not good news, but really, probably the reality that we've been avoiding mentally for some time. The fact is that this disease will be with us for some time, and we just need to keep our chins up and keep fighting. It's a bit tough for us right now because we don't really have a life to hold on to: our move back to Whitehorse was sort of a new beginning, but at the moment, we're in a bit of limbo. Our lives are scattered from the Yukon to BC to Ontario, and it sort of feels like we've got nowhere to really call home at the moment. The only place that does feel that way right now exists within all of you. It's been so great to keep hearing from all of you so continuously, and if I could make one request, it's that you take a brief minute to let us know that you're still helping us smash through this mess. It's amazing the power that we feel from a quick blog comment or email. All those hands around us sure make us feel strong. Another source of strength is the continued growth of the newest member of team Smash, and Meg and the baby are holding up really well. We're starting to make more concrete plans in terms of the baby's arrival, and we've got several appointments over the next few weeks to help us prepare for that exciting time.
  Our next few days will help us set our sights on the next turn in this road. We've got a Young Adults Cancer Network group support meeting tonight, an appointment with our counsellor at the BCCA on Thursday, and a meeting with Dr. Joseph Ragaz, our oncologist/guardian angel on Friday. The planning for my radiation therapy should be complete by next week, and we should know a lot more about what that will look like soon. We'll keep you posted.
  Finally, we've also recently learned about a benefit/fundraiser being put on in Toronto by family and old friends on December 5. If you're at all interested, you can check out the event website at http://www.moderncommunications.ca/smashatoa/. It should be a night of great music, good times, t-shirt sales, silent auction items, and plenty of smashy vibes. We hope everyone is doing well. We're still going to beat this thing. It's just going to take a couple of days to shift gears mentally and get ready for the next stage. We'll see you down the road.

Some sense of home: A walk by the Yukon River

  

Dearest Carl - we miss you buddy